Well, after a brief bout of self doubt, I think I'm ready to bust out of my shell. Amazingly, it took an unbelievably horrible week down in Florida to make me realize that I control my own destiny. I am in charge of how I feel, not the cancer anymore, not the people I spend time with or aspire to spend time with. I have everything I need and it took a moment of self doubt and a big slap in the face to make me realize that. I realize there are going to always be good and bad days. The key is to maximize the good and minimize the bad. One thing I know for sure, as long as I'm feeling relatively well, that's all that matters. Everything else is gravy.
What I've realized after I wrote the post where I mentioned how I wasn't sure how to handle this newfound feeling ok is I don't have to handle anything, it's already been handled! Again, nothing else matters, no amount of money, material possessions, good luck (as if I can control my luck!) can trump feeling relatively well. I realize I'll always have issues with my back, feet and energy but I'm so used to it I'm no longer fazed by it. The only thing that's more important than what I just mentioned are the people who have stood by me and continue to support me. The support feels awesome and makes me feel not so alone having this messed up disease in my body. The support validates how hard I've fought over the last seven years. The support mitigates the people who've shit on me over the last seven years because they didn't care to empathize with what I deal with. I've realized this isn't my problem but their problem. I don't wish anything bad to any of these people, I just don't need them in my life...
It feels so good to finally be in control again. I guess I had forgotten what that feels like after my relapse and rough last few months on my prior treatment. So glad that's in the rear view mirror. I'm back to my edict of living in the moment and enjoying that moment to the fullest. It's time for me to join a gym again, get my body strong again. I haven't been able to even think about working out for so long because of my back and total body soreness. Not to mention, my complete lack of energy. I want to plan a trip somewhere interesting, somewhere beautiful, I can't wait!
This life of mine is so crazy. Just this last week alone would blow your mind if I wrote about it. I don't feel the need to vent so I'll just squash it and know for sure that this next week is going to be great, even as I fly north through the freezing air to the soon to be frozen tundra of Michigan. I have to make the best of having to be there every other week for my infusions, I have no other choice. So, working out and keeping my blood flowing is my new priority (again now that I'm able) to help mitigate the lack of sun and warmth that my brain and body craves. I'll still be going down to Florida but I have to pick my spots especially with spirit airlines the only affordable carrier (they are the absolute worst company in the world!).
Well, I just landed and ready for a nap after no sleep last night and an interesting experience this morning with said mentioned airline (they gave away my seat this morning!).
I'm so excited to get on with my life finally.
Let's hope this lasts for a while!