Seasons...

I just got back from the Chris Cornell show at the Michigan Theater in Ann Arbor. It's been a while since I've seen a show that gave me goosebumps, the last being U2 late this summer... It was just him and 7 awesome sounding guitars, really something. I think this song is appropriate as it does seem the seasons keep rolling along, ho hum... Actually quite the opposite -- it is really nice to comment on how time is just rolling by, maybe even in a monotonous way which I never thought I'd be writing about since I was diagnosed now 4 years ago...

I was going through my closet the other day and came upon a plastic shopping bag with the following caption written in sharpie "Nov 17th, git er done!"... Inside the shopping bag is the hair that I decided to cut off myself before the chemo had a chance to take it from me. It was my way of telling the cancer who was in charge or something like that... For the moment, I had won a crucial battle even if it was only symbolic - I wasn't going to let the cancer control me even though little did I know that it sometimes would and still does to this day. When I mention battle (which by the way is the most appropriate way to describe dealing with cancer) I mean that sometimes you win and sometimes the cancer wins. On that day in West Seattle a little over four years ago, I managed to win that one small battle...

Today, the battle rages on of course. Both the cancer and I have been beaten bruised, both of us inflicting damage on each other and up to this point, I have to say I'm winning. Not just because I'm laying here writing this blog... Nope, it's the simple fact that I have the desire to write this blog. It's the fact that I can still go out and enjoy myself on a night like tonight and walk by people, speak to people and them having no idea what I've been through or still going through. To me, that's winning the battle.

Of course, I'm sure the cancer is getting ready for a counter assault and for that hopefully I'm ready. I need to call Baylor University tomorrow to find out what's going on with my genetically modified T-cells. The last I spoke to the trial coordinator, they were growing very slowly but growing nonetheless. For now though, I continue to roll with the RAD001 despite the chronic fatigue and this new side effect of mucositis (where did this come from?!). The good thing is it's not caused from the cancer but the weapon (RAD001) I'm using right now to keep the beast down. Not sure where all the battle talk etc. is coming from but it just seems natural to write about so I'm sticking to it! Funny, I used to write these entries and then go back to see if my thoughts are organized, etc. Now, I just tend to write whatever comes to mind and just put it out there. Maybe I'm just getting lazy... Maybe I just don't care how this looks or sounds as much as just putting a message out there.

Perhaps I'm writing this as I know my Mom is getting ready to start her regimen this week and I want to remind her she has it in her to do this (of course she does, she's done it before!). It was nice to get a phone call from her after she had a really painful procedure done (had a small organ removed with a needle, can't remember the name of it right now). Anyway, she told me that when she was getting it done, she was thinking of all the bone marrow biopsies I've had and how I was and am able to get through it and it helped her get through it. Pretty neat to inspire someone by the pain you've gone through, makes me feel better knowing that some good came out of it! (not to mention finding out every time my bone marrow is clean thank God...).

Well, that's pretty much all I've got for now. Been packing up and preparing the last couple days for another drive down to Florida. This time to drive my tools down there so I can continue my unofficial job of house fixer upper or something like that ;)

I almost forgot, that's my part time job. The full time job I'll continue to do whether I like it or not...

Cheers,

Chris