Well, part of me is relieved and part of me upset. It's been decided that because of the recent severe side effects that I'm going to skip another round of GND and go right into SCT/s.
Apparantly the cumulative toxicity of being on 3 chemo regimens over the last 11 months is starting to take a toll on my body and immune system. For this reason, my doc's have decided to move me into preparations for SCT/s. The rationale is I'm going to be getting hit with such high doses of conditioning chemo prior to being reinfused with my stem cells that my body needs time to rest before this happens. My doc told me that the side effects I'm having right now are very likely to come back as bad if not worse with the next round of chemo. I can't imagine how it could be worse... On the bright side, at least I've been through it and can mentally prepare. I also will be more diligent in mouth care to hopefully prevent such severe mucositis and will know what types of topical agents to use if I get any rashes. Not to mention, I won't try and "tough it out" forgoing pain meds as long as possible and will be proactive in taking them as soon as I feel any kind of pain coming on.
As I lay here on my couch, I realize how incredibly surreal this whole situation is (at least that's how it feels). I'm getting ready to be "reborn" by wiping out my immune system and starting over. These next few weeks and months are going to determine if I live a full life or potentially not make it to my 40th birthday. I guess you can say my life is flashing before my eyes. Remarkably, I feel very calm despite the weight of the situation. I'm sure that'll change as I start going through the process again of being restaged (bone marrow biopsy, PET scan, spinal tap), receiving the chemo and total body irradiation, getting my stem cells back, waiting for my stem cells to "engraft" etc...
No matter what happens, I'll never be the same again I'm sure of that. How can one go through such an epic event and not be changed? If I can conquer this, there's nothing in life that I won't be able to conquer. If I can survive this challenge, there's no challenge in life that I can't overcome. I know this sounds cliche but it's the truth. In a way, I feel blessed that I'm getting a chance to experience this because of the reasons I mentioned. Once I get through this, the world is my Oyster!!
I'll have more details on the nuts and bolts of what's going to happen once I find them out. I still don't know if I'm going to have one or two transplants. I guess it depends on the re-staging PET scan and insurance acceptance (two transplants are still considered experimental by the insurance companies even though the preliminary data is very encouraging). Regarding the restaging PET scan, if I still have active or progressive cancer, they may not want to give two transplants as the first one is considered a "mini" transplant and reduced levels of chemo (Melphalan) are used. The rationale for scrapping this is the cancer could grow further while the transplant is done putting me in a worse situation. However, if the PET is clean, I would think they'd want to do the tandem. It's all speculation at this point and like I said, as soon as I know, I'll pass along the news.
Thanks to everyone who has reached out to me with support! It means the world to me and keeps me going through this tough time.
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