It seems like forever since I've been back... Actually, it's been about a year. While I'm excited for the trip, it's also very surreal. It was almost 3 years ago that I had moved to Seattle from Southern California. I had previously spent a short four month stint in Bellevue WA (which is just across the water from Seattle) when I first moved out West from Michigan. It just wasn't the right place for me at the time and I decided to move down to Socal. After a fun couple of years in Orange County, I was ready to give Seattle another chance and decided to move back up. I got off to a rough start but quickly adapted and was really starting to enjoy the place. Beauty is all around you in Seattle. There's water everywhere, everything is so lush and green and there are two mountain ranges which are in view everywhere on a clear day. The city itself was so unique and forward thinking and the people seemed genuine and and open. I made some good friends pretty quickly. I was doing really well with my job after my third promotion in just over 2 years. I was on top of the world... This is when it all came crashing down...
After dealing with symptoms for a few months that I was told was asthma, I was diagnosed with stage 4B Nodular Sclerosing Hodgkins Lymphoma. My life would never be the same again...
Because of this I go back with a love hate relationship with the Emerald City. Of course there's plenty to love. I think when I first started this blog I wrote quite a bit about what a special place Seattle is. I also distinctly remember writing about some of the hardest times I think a person could ever endure. While I continue to struggle with my situation, I feel like I'm at peace with it now and don't know if I can say the same back then while living there. It seemed like I had so much more anxiety and mental anguish back then as I was trying to figure out how to live with cancer. How does a young person prepare themselves for such a thing? The diagnosis and first line treatment was tough enough, especially being out there on my own along with Jackie as my only reliable advocate. The subsequent relapse and having to go through the double stem cell transplant as my only chance at a cure almost pushed me over the edge. All this going on while trying to get to know a new city...
So, as I prepare to return, I understand there are going to be a lot of emotions both good and bad. What I feel good about is my ability to manage and somewhat control these emotions with the strength I've built over the last few years.
I'm looking forward to a great time and look forward to sharing it with you :)
P.S. I had a better version of this entry that somehow (and inexplicably) got erased and I'm too tired to put a whole lot of effort into re-writing this one. I think this condensed version hits what I was trying to say "ok" so with that I'm out...
2 comments:
Chris,
It took me about two years to return to Florida -- and I felt the same as you do about Seattle. I was at the top of my career, friends, life was a-mazing.
Last summer when I returned to visit my friends, and past students it was pretty surreal. But it was an amazing experience. One of the most emotional weeks (mostly good emotions) that I've had...it almost feels like in some ways you've come full circle. Like you said -- you're at peace with where you are right now, and the strength that you have is most likely 100 times more than what you ever could have predicted back then.
I truly hope you have a wonderful time. I think it'll be really really great for you to go back.
Somehow, I left Florida after those two weeks knowing how much I changed, but in a very good way. I hope you gain the same perspective.
Sendng Love,
B
Wishing you luck and happiness......and mighty glad you're going to continue to share this journey with us..;0)
Vx
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