What the hell!!

Sitting here watching Paladia and "ABBA the Movie" is on. Pretty bizarre... People seemed like they really used to dig their music, can't believe it! They were interviewing their fans and so many commented on their "clean image"... The music seems so whimsical, such a contrast to the time is was being produced (starting 1972 with the social unrest of post Vietnam, Civil Rights movement, etc. here in the U.S.). Things were obviously more calm in Sweden then...

Was watching the news earlier; Tom Ridge, this countries' first Homeland Security Chief, was just quoted from his upcoming book that he was pressured by his own administration into raising the terror level just before the 2004 elections. Thus, confirming that our nations security threat level was politicized, nice...

By the way, if people are going to debate health care reform, please be a responsible citizen (or elected government official) and tell the truth (or check facts)! These rumors that are going around regarding "Death Panels", etc. are ridiculous (ahem Sara Palin, Charles Grassley). I don't know what the right answer is regarding health care reform... That said, for the sake of millions of sick and those who will be sick one day, we deserve an honest debate, not scare tactics.

This is crazy... The only man convicted of the Lockerbie bombing returned home Thursday to a cheering crowd after his release from a Scottish prison?! This guy killed 270 innocent people... Shame on the Libyan people who cheered him and to the Scottish government for releasing him. Plenty of lesser criminals die in jail... Apparently Libya has a lot of oil. Amazing how oil continues to reduce the moral standards of governments...

Wow, this sounds like a pretty negative post, usually not in my nature... I guess I'm a little pissed at this thing (tumor?) that's radiating (pain and numbness) at the top of my stomach/rib area for the last couple of weeks. Maybe I'm being a little greedy hoping the SGN-35 wipes out all of my disease in the short 2 weeks it's been in my body. Perhaps I need to lower my expectations or be more patient... The truth is I don't know if this stuff is working and it stresses me out sometimes. It seems like the spots I had on my spine might be gone but this thing in my stomach is really unsettling. I've been reading that trial drugs are slower acting compared to conventional chemo. So, maybe the largest node in my retrocrural space is being more stubborn compared to the other smaller nodes/lesions that showed up on my last scan.

I alluded in a post a while ago about the "trap" of tasting freedom from disease when I was enjoying my short remission. This time around, the "trap" is getting too caught up with the possibility of this drug working. Hope can be a dangerous thing sometimes if you allow yourself to get too caught up in it, just being honest... I think I need to go back to realizing this is all out of my control and in a higher power's hands. If this stuff does work, it'll be a blessing and I will be grateful. If not, it's on to the next steps whatever they are...

I'm looking forward to a weekend of canoeing, golf and a 50th anniversary party! My trip back to Seattle is less than two weeks away :) Also, getting ready to book my Socal/Hawaii trip in October so I guess life right now ain't all that bad! ;)

FYI, next SGN-35 infusion August 27th. First SGN-35 CT scan September 10th.