Insomniated

If that's even a word...

For some reason, my mind has been racing all night. Of course, it's 3:20 a.m. and I can't get to sleep even though my sheets, comforter cover and pillow cases are all nice and freshly washed (I'd have to say this is one of life's simple pleasures, clean sheets!). At least it's not my back that is keeping me awake :) Knock on wood but it's been feeling pretty decent the last week plus...

I was just trying to make heads or tails of all the Medicare Part D prescription plans and there's so much to consider, ugh... I think what I might do is go to a CVS and talk to one of the pharmacists there to see what their experience is with the different plans. I've also put the question out to my Hodgkins Forum and hope to get some good responses. I believe I have until the end of the year to sign up so there is a little sense of urgency here...

I started playing my guitar again tonight and loosely promised myself that I would try and learn one new song per week if possible. Tonight it was Follow You Into the Dark by Death Cab for Cutie. Always thought it was a beautiful song and the chords and rhythm are pretty doable. I recorded a song on my phone earlier that I've been playing for a long time, Neil Young's "Old Man" although I think I ruined it by trying to sing along, ha! It's pretty cool that I can even play the guitar anymore as this time of year last year it was getting tougher and tougher to play with the neuropathy and eventual onset of Guillaine Barre Syndrome.

I've also made a promise to myself that I'm going to start doing Yoga again at least a couple times a week. I just don't get enough exercise and think with the right class can work on my strength, balance and flexibility while hopefully not harming my back.

It seems as if I'm at a crossroads right now and I'm trying to figure out what direction my life is going to take. I need to find a purpose as I feel like I'm going through the motions (as I've mentioned recently before).

I guess you could also say I'm a little lonely lately... I don't ever talk about my social life (and not sure why I'm bringing this up) but it is difficult to find the confidence and desire to build a relationship when you're dealing with refractory cancer. Sometimes I think that I can survive and be happy being single and just having a bunch of good friends but there are other times where I think it'd be nice to share my life/experiences with the right gal... I'm not so sure this is possible with my condition but I guess time will tell.

BTW, I'm due for another scan on the 28th. I think the results of this will go a long way in giving me confidence that I can continue to live a relatively normal life in the short term. I have to say, one of the most difficult things about living with a chronic illness like this is the uncertainty of what things are going to be like next month let alone next year. I have the live in the moment part down pat, it's the planning part that is difficult.

I wanted to talk about politics and the extension of the tax cuts but think I may save that for another post... I will say that it is sad that greed and an unwillingness to sacrifice a couple of percentage points (by those who can totally afford it) is going to continue to increase our deficit. What happened to all of this talk by the new party in power (in the House of Representatives) and the commitment to reduce the deficit? I have such disdain for the hypocrisy and lies of politicians but for some reason can't seem to tune it out! I had thought a couple of times about starting a blog with just my political views (as I have many) but who in the world would want to read that crap right?!

So for now, I'll just continue to share my thoughts on this living with cancer odyssey while sprinkling in some other tidbits here and there.

I think it's time for me to try and get into the Holiday Spirit!

Only a few days left until Christmas, where has the time gone?!

Feliz Navidad :o)