Discharged...

Just got done wathching Benjamin Button... I have a newfound respect for Brad Pitt as an actor. I've always enjoyed his movies but think this has to be one of his best roles. The movie was really good, well written and acted -- really original story...

I had my discharge clinic today and said goodbye to my transplant team. I'll miss everyone there (even nurse Dot!). They really go out of their way to make you feel like a dignified human being, not just a cancer patient. I did get some sobering news from Dr. Holmberg however that was a little tough to hear. We were talking about when I can get my Hickman line taken out and what she thought about my long term prognosis. In her words, she said "the majority of patients who have my type of disease will not be cured". In other words, it's very likely that I will relapse at some point. I wasn't really surprised by this as I've done plenty of research regarding cases like mine. That said, my sister survived a Glioma brain tumor (18 years cured) and my mother survived 2 bouts of breast cancer (cured) so who says I can't beat this?! Even if it does come back, there are plenty of clinical trials out there that can prolong my life for years... I'm just going to enjoy every minute of my life the best that I can and hope and pray for the best. If nothing else, this whole experience has really strengthened my faith in God. I'm comforted knowing that whatever happens, there's a better life to be experienced after this one.

I hope this doesn't come across too heavy and pessimistic as I'm still hopeful and optimistic that I'll be cured. As I've explained to a few people that I'm close to, this is just my way of making sure I don't get hammered again by raising my expectations too high. When I went through my first course of treatment, six months of ABVD chemo, I was completely devastated to find out it didn't work. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't sit and watch a television show, couldn't even leave the house -- it was that bad. It took me a while to adjust (not sure if I've ever fully adjusted). I can't let that happen again if for some reason this doesn't work...

So, from here I've got big plans! Jackie and I are going down to Laguna Beach for a long weekend in a couple of weeks and I'm really looking forward to it. After that, I'll start planning my road trip around the country as my body continues to heal. Once I return from my trip, I plan to start my life over by looking for a job and possibly returning to school to get my Masters. I also plan on volunteering at the SCCA or some other cancer clinic to help out any way I can. If I'm still here in Seattle, the SCCA has a volunteer driver position to pick up out of state transplant patients and their families from the airport. Having gone through this, I think I can offer some good perspective regarding the transplant process and more importantly help folks feel as comfortable as possible here in Seattle.

So, now that I've laid out my long term future plans, I'm excited to say we have plans for this weekend! It'll be my first time out in a social gathering and I'm a little nervous with this bald head/face... Jackie works for a major company here in Seattle and they're having a big shindig (which according to most who went last year is supposed to be quite a party). I'm gonna get decked out with a blazer and plan to sport this nice brimmed hat I picked up a while ago. Should be fun!!

Here's to life getting back to normal... :-)